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Evie Verdampen

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Bad LSD trip, PTSD, anxiety, cannabis withdrawal, intrusive thoughts, seeing god [Wed October 12th 11 || 16::13]
I went to visit a friend the weekend before last, in Wales. I was playing a psytrance set at his new night in the little town he lives in, then a friend drove us to Liverpool for a private psytrance warehouse party. I took two tabs of really strong acid, two different kinds with about 5-7 hours between.

I was also pretty drunk and took a little bit of MDMA.

Usually, I don't take LSD recreationally... well i never used to. first time i took it i had a bad trip, thought i was going insane... took a long time to try it again. since then I've had many great trips, great insights to my own mind and it has helped me through a lot of shit.

because of this, i became more frivolous about where i when i took it. it was easier to take a little bit with a little bit of alcohol, at parties, just "for fun".

the trip was actually really good, up until about 3pm the next afternoon when we had to venture into Liverpool city centre then get the train back to Wales. the journey took about 2 hours, two different trains. about half an hour into the first train journey, i started to feel like i was going to have a panic attack. i've had one full-blown once before, after a night of taking ecstacy and a friend getting sexually assaulted in my house. during that, my hands, arms, face and throat went numb, which i now know was due to hyperventilation.

so, i couldn't get the fear of this happening again out of my head, and then it started to happen. i was able to keep it to just my hands, took deep breaths and stay ok-ish until we got to wales. i thought once i got to my friend's house that i would be ok. but i couldn't shake the panicky feeling. i couldn't get to sleep for over 12 hours. my thoughts were getting bad by this point. i thought i was dying. i couldn't understand why i was still tripping SO hard.... i thought i was never going to stop. when i finally did get to sleep, i woke up a few hours later feeling even more panicky, heart rate was so fast.... i could hardly breathe. i had to go and lie next to my friend in his bed, and only because of that did i calm down enough to pass out again.

when i woke up, i thought i could see blood in my urine. and i was getting abdominal pains. i eventually took myself to the local hospital. it turns out that my urine was just dark from dehydration, but man that SERIOUSLY looked like blood to me.

i had to change my flight home to the next day because there was no way i was doing that train journey back to liverpool again so soon.

when i got home, my laptop wouldn't turn on, when all i had wanted to do was lie in bed and watch farscape.

then my "boyfriend" (we were never really official and the past few weeks have been a headfuck between us) came round, after not really offering much comfort when i told him how i was feeling.... and told me he didn't want to see me anymore.




i think if i hadn't taken 10mg of valium before he came round point that i may have broken down completely.
(i rarely take valium, a friend gave it to me to help me feel calm).


since this happened i've smoked a little bit of weed, and it has only seemed to make things worse. i've been a daily smoker pretty much for coming up to ten years now, since i was 13/14. the longest break i've had is 2 weeks.

when i finally got on the internet i looked things up about bad trips, and read a shitload about how it can trigger schizohprenia and psychosis. then the symptoms of these conditions.... and since reading those i have been questioning reality. for a few days i felt like maybe nothing was real. maybe everything was just a construct of my mind. or maybe that i died and went to hell. since last night, i've been having very dark thoughts. you know those weird urges you sometimes get... to do violent and/or crazy things? but that usually just go away as quickly as they come because you know they are crazy? i used to get them sometimes anyway but now that i'm scared of being crazy i seem to be having them uncontrollably. ive even been worrying that if i get worse, i might snap and actually do them. i mean i do not EVER want to hurt anybody, but the fear is there.

i have never been so scared.

i know that it's probably just a combination of PTSD, reading crap online about LSD and cannabis usage, paranoia, and cannabis withdrawal. and knowing that my great uncle was diagnosed with "simple schizophrenia", and that it's only been just over a week since the most terrifying experience of my life. but i can't shake the feeling that something isn't right. also... one of the last times i tripped, after a festival when i was awake for 3 days... as i was finally drifting off to sleep i heard my own voice in my head, a demonic version of it... telling me that i was going to die. i still dont know if it was just a dream but it scared me a lot.

i feel ok on and off.... so i hope that i will be better in a few weeks. i have decided to stop smoking weed completely. it is just not worth the risk. it is hard, because even though it is not physically addictive, ive been using it in pretty much every aspect of my existence for a decade. i smoked to help my bad appetite, i smoked to help my art, i smoked to help my sex drive. basically the only thing i didnt use it for was to sleep, because it always got my mind racing so much that it would keep me awake.

people, please be careful with these substances you put into your body. they are not just harmless fun. and there IS such a thing as TOO MUCH awareness. it got to the point where i actually couldn't stand the sound of my own heartbeat, and the tinnitus that i already have got unbearable. the psytrance i had been listening to all night was still playing in my ears. i couldnt stand the sight of my own reflection. i couldnt stop focusing on my breathing because i was so afraid of not taking deep enough breaths.

i have also had muscle twitches when drifting off to sleep, which have now subsided but i've still been getting a twitch in my left shoulder on and off just throughout the days.

truth be told, i have been praying to god. i have been that scared. i was agnostic verging on atheist for a long time. but after this.... i'm so freaked out that ive been thanking god for every moment that i feel sane. im very scared of having a flashback as well, even though i've never had one before so i dont know if i am prone to them.

i was prescribed SSRIs before this happened, and still havent tried taking them. i basically wanted a few more weeks of partying before going on them. BIG mistake. but now im not even sure i wana take them either because the idea of them making me worse for the first few weeks is so terrifying.

i love everyone and i do not wish this fear and anxiety on anyone. your mind is so precious to ruin by drugs and use them as a crutch. experiment if you wish, but do not go overboard. take care of yourself. you are worth so much more. don't just play with powerful chemicals in order to escape or expand your consciousness, with these promises of enlightenment and "spiritual healing". even if you respect them they could still fuck with you.

i dont think i will ever take psychedelics, cannabis or any other drugs EVER again.


ps- i am now on day 3 of cannabis withdrawal. last saturday was the first day in years that i didn't smoke anything, and i felt good. the next day I caved and smoked a few pipes, which only brought my negative thoughts back. i am now having even worse intrusive, violent and negative thoughts but I am doing some reading on how to dispel them. it is hard, and sleeping has still been a problem, though the muscle twitches have mostly subsided.

i feel irritable and happy on and off. i feel more talkative. my thoughts are still scattered but i can feel them becoming clearer.

i feel like life could be more enjoyable sober than it ever was when i was stoned. i feel like i am waking up, and discovering myself truly. i'm not used to my normal thought processes, i feel a bit scared that i don't know who i am, but i'm willing to find out. i am still scared that i may be insane though.

i used to wonder how anyone could go through life NOT being high. now i am realising how fucking foolish that is. i am coming to understand why people fill their time with seemingly mundane tasks, and why a lot of people are scared to explore and expand their consciousness. i am still all for doing that, but drugs are definitely NOT the solution. they can help, but i used them as the one and only method for way too long. i fear i will never be able to do it on my own, but then there are times when i feel like i could have more will power than most people and maybe it is possible. i just hope that spending 10 years high since i was 13 has not done permanent damage. i just hope that i do not go crazy as i get older and my brain starts to deteriorate.

i plan to write a proper update in about a month or so. i hope i do not relapse again, though i honestly do not have any desire to toke atm. well, i mean i would LIKE to be able to, but i know that it will do me no good.

i've thought about cutting off my dreads/combing them out, and getting rid of everything in my room that reminds me of my stoner life. but i still love my dreads, i think i am just still in a place where everything reminds me of it. getting rid of these things may not even help. so i'm going to just try to be strong.

i am having my birthday celebrations this weekend, i plan to have a couple of drinks but i'm even a bit scared to do that. i will just have to have self control and if i feel it makes me worse i will stop drinking and just focus on chatting to my friends. i may not even drink anything at all, i'll see how it goes.
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[Wed September 9th 09 || 3::06]
It was a night of feminine moustaches, penguins, turtles, poi, wet-suits, MDMA and some light bar visitation followed by (slightly) copious amounts of weed, beer and vodka at the house.
It was also a night of accidentally fly-kicking my shoe onto the roof of a shop and having to scale it to get it back.

And bread wars.



Selection of Friday-night photography courtesy of Michael O'Neill~Collapse )
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[Wed September 9th 09 || 3::06]







Berlin & VuuV 2009Collapse )
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[Wed September 9th 09 || 3::04]





psytrance revival in belfastCollapse )

Photos courtesy of Michael O'Neill
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[Fri February 20th 09 || 21::35]
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Shpongle Live Hallowe'en Update [Wed February 11th 09 || 2::09]
Shpongle was disappointing.

Firstly, they had sniffer dogs at the door. Obviously with having two bags of weed and a pipe on me, I got barked at. The security guard asked me to give them what I had on me, but I was smarter than that. I said I had nothing. So I was taken to a back room to be searched by a woman, and told that if they found anything drugs related I'd have to leave. I said ok.

She told me to empty my pockets, looked through my bag, and frisked me. After she found nothing she said I could go. Seems those bra things I rarely wear DO have a purpose after all ;)

I knew they wouldn't find it, but I mean, I probably could have had it in 3 other places that she didn't check very well or at all.



So.. I went to the gig expecting a fairly intimate and awesome live show, with a much larger than normal band doing their thing and all the focus being on them and the music. It was the first fully live show in nearly a decade, after all.

Instead I experienced a crushing, overheated crowd, and most of the band members were hidden away in the corners of the stage (except for Simon of course......he was center stage) to make room for the group of extremely glittery and feathered "exotic" dancers, that repeatedly kept coming out, doing their seemingly non-choreographed slut dance, and then running backstage for maybe 3 minutes before running back out again, shaking their boobs to a cheering crowd of drooling guys....


It wasn't very fun. At all.


I left the crowd the first time they came onstage, because well I was being crushed, couldn't see very well past tall people anyway, and the feathered stupidness only obstructed my view even more. I tried to get back into the groove twice, but every time they just ran out again.. I mean, they had a topless male dancer at the start, but at least he was actually doing a dance that was interesting to watch because it wasn't just randomly running around gyrating and wiggling his naughty bits.. He looked like he should have had 8 arms, put it that way.


Anyway, fuck it. Maybe I overreacted but we left that place early. The show was simply ruined for me, I wasn't enjoying myself, so I had to get out of there and find somewhere to smoke a pipe.

The course of events of always goes so strangely. We found a mostly deserted street next to a canal, and smoked a few pipes. There was an incident of weed spillage, and me changing my shoes that kept us there for too long, then two guys walked up to us and said they were the police.

They had seen Paul smoking the pipe, and asked him what he had in his hand. We were just totally honest with them (well except for telling them we didn't have anything else on us), and they were actually pretty nice guys.. I even got my pipe back lol. They did give Paul a fucking "cannabis warning" though..

The afterparty was much more enjoyable when we finally got inside.. X-Dream were fucking amazing.



As for the remainder of Liverpool and Wales, I also had good and bad times. Liverpool had much more going on, and people staying up later.. but it was also a bit ...meh. It's just so hard to believe that so-called "lad culture", and even just plain old sexism actually exist after properly experiencing it for myself. I mean I've experienced some, or seen it happening to others.. this was just different. I mean most of the people I met were nice to talk to.. but man, at other times I felt like such a fucking alien just for being female. I not just when I space out during their football talk or when they played Pro Evolution.... (I seriously used to love football, but it just fucking bores me now... so I doubt that has much to do with me having a vagina)

Fabio is one of my best friends, but he can be so fucking naive and sexist without even realising it. I honestly am beyond not understanding why he says some of the stuff he says, including stuff he says to me or about me personally. Things like, "I could never bring a chick into my room, it's so messy"... I'm like "oh it's ok, I don't care" and he says "I don't mean you, just any other female. You're Aimée!"

:|

Also "have you ever seen women's football? They look like men" and just a whole load of other crap.

I hate reading over this and feeling like it sounds really ...extreme or like I'm overreacting. I don't know how I seem to anyone else, or what my stance on sexism seems to be. I don't hate men and I don't hate sex, or even sexual openness to an extent, which so many people assume. I could go on for a long time trying to explain my opinion and views of this, but I won't. I do however consider myself to be very open minded about it, even though I haven't been in the past. I just fucking hate men who treat women like they aren't humans, treat them like they are only there for men's gratification, or who think that all women think the same, act the same, do the same things. And vice versa, when women do it too. I've personally just experienced it with men far more often. It cuts even deeper when it's my own friends that are perpetuating the sexist mindset just by making such vague and ignorant comments. And what makes that even worse is I WANT to say something, so much, but most of the time I don't for fear of hurting the friendship.

Meh.



What else? Eh, long bus journeys are fucking awful.
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to the hill once more.. [Wed February 11th 09 || 2::03]


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Cave Hill on Acid [Wed August 27th 08 || 20::56]
Mood
tired








A Trip Up Cave HillCollapse )
1 tab ~ drop

Acid (LSD) C20H25N3O [Tue May 29th 07 || 1::00]
Mood

contemplative
&wee bit sad

So I hadn't tried acid again since the last entry I wrote on this journal about my first trip. Partially due to not being able to obtain any, and also because I was afraid I would have another bad trip. Even though I kind of realised the bad trip was due to my surroundings last time.

Last Friday was the Twisted Records label party. It was a pretty outstanding show and I got to see a few of my favourite artists, including Ott, Younger Brother, ZubZub, Shpongle and Eat Static. Near the beginning of the night a guy approached me and asked if I wanted some "TCB" or something similar. I asked what it was and he said "man-made mescaline". I was interested. I asked Joe if he wanted some and if he could pay for it with the money he owed me because I couldn't find my cash at that point. Well he ended up getting us two tabs of acid each instead, which the guy had also made himself. I wasn't complaining.

I took the first one a few hours before Shpongle in the hope it would be all I'd need and would be tripping by the time Simon was on stage. I definitely felt something but it wasn't exactly tripping. During the Shpongle set I dropped the second tab. In the next few hours I started to feel it a lot more strongly. I wasn't really getting any kind of visual distortions or hallucinations but in my mind, I felt like I was tripping. It was quite enjoyable, though I got the fear a few times very slightly.

After the gig, which ended at 6am, we sat in a skatepark and smoked a few pipes, then walked around Brixton in search of somewhere to get breakfast. It's not a good idea to take acid and then walk around Brixton. Not a good idea at all. The homeless were incredibly intimidating and wouldn't stop bothering us for money even after we gave them some. My friend Joe was also on acid and 4 pills of ecstacy. Needless to say - we were frightened.

As we walked around the dingy streets and marketplace that was just opening, I got a sense of what these areas were like. Dead animal carcusses at butcher's stalls were not a pretty site or smell at 7 in the morning. Men trying to sell us weed in such an open way were obviously just trying to rip us off. Everyone seemed to be out to get something from us. They would have stabbed us just to take our change they were that desperate.

We couldn't get change for our tube tickets for ages but then we finally got out of Brixton. But the whole city seemed to have a strange atmosphere about it. This was not a good town for psychedelic drugs. Everywhere around us were the constant sounds of the hustle and bustle of people, roadworks and traffic. This place seemed to be nothing but the heart of capitalism and terrifying greed. The high street shops sickened me. Along with their meat markets they had the other kind of meat market... Loaded has their very own shop and we also walked past a place selling fur coats, hilariously named "Noble Furs"...

We went to Hyde park for a while to chill out. It was amazing to see all the trees and greenery in that state of mind. So much more comforting than huge city streets and constant busyness. We smoked a few pipes there and just chilled out. It was rather enjoyable. Then my friends wanted to go for a walk. Walking through the park was nice. I felt... just good. We saw loads of squirrels running around. They weren't afraid of us, they came so close. I've never really seen a squirrel before. I still didn't seem to be getting my visual changes or hallucinations but the grass and the leaves seemed to be ...bright. Then I entertained the idea that perhaps they didn't really look any brighter at all, I was just appreciating them on a whole new level.

At this point my feet had started to hurt, I think it's because my boots are a size too big for me and my feet slide around in them too much, causing blisters. I ended up with blisters all over my feet and every step was pure agony. This was really not good on acid..

Eventually I felt like all the negative energy, hurt and pain that was left forever marked on the streets of London was being channelled through the pain in my feet as I walked. I could sense all the pollution in the air and it was like I was breathing in all the horrible energy. Consuming it and letting it flow through all of me. It didn't feel nice. I couldn't understand why or how anyone could live in this place, then contemplated how it perhaps suits some people and what that says about us as a species. It really made me thankful for what I have and glad that that kind of place was not one I'd want to stick around too long. The only way I could get comfortable was to lie down in a park under a tree and fall asleep.

I really wish I had brought a notebook along with me as I hate trying to recall all the thoughts and feelings I had at the time, and I hate trying to recreate all the profound conclusions I came to. I'll know better for next time though. And I'm certain there will indeed be a next time. I enjoyed what that acid got me tapped into, and I definitely would like to try it again somewhere closer to home.



more~
1 tab ~ drop

Ayahuasca (DMT) C12H16N2 [Tue September 26th 06 || 20::23]
I bought my Ayahuasca pack from www.azarius.net. It contained 30g of Psychotria Viridis (Chacruna) and 30g of Banisteriopsis Caapi, and it cost €20.


PREPARATION

I started by tearing and crushing the leaves in a big-ish bowl. It sort of hurt my hands after a while, and my pestle and mortar didn't seem to really help until the pieces were a lot smaller.

When they were broken into what I considered small enough pieces, I filled a saucepan with about 500 ml of bottled water and added the juice of one lemon. I added the plant material, gave it a good stir, brought it to the boil then turned the heat down a few notches so that it was still continuously boiling, but not too vigorously.

The instructions said to boil it for a couple of hours, but someone on the azarius.net forum told me to boil it for one hour. So I decided to go for 1.5 hours per boiling.
Well, I checked on it after around one hour and thought, "hmm maybe I should finish it now" but then decided to just leave it for about 10-15 minutes more. Well when I came back to check on it the water had COMPLETELY evaporated and I got not even one drip from the plant material.

For my second boiling I used a little bit extra bottled water, around 1 litre, the juice of half a lemon and little bit of vinegar. Boiled for around one hour. I continued like this for 5 boilings in total, straining the plant material and collecting the brown water each time in the bowl I started with.
The water I poured onto the plant material started to become much clearer on the 4th and 5th boilings.

I then mixed all my brown water and put it back in the saucepan, brought it to the boil and let it evaporate to approximately 1/4 of the original amount (which was around 1 litre).

And now it's sitting in a large mug with a small chopping board over it keeping the steam in, cooling slowly, waiting to go into the fridge overnight for when I drink it tomorrow! More to follow...


EFFECTS

So I drank my Ayahuasca on Friday night (I'm writing this on Tuesday) in my bedroom, with my boyfriend as my sober person. I hadn't eaten anything for well over 12 hours. It was possibly one of the most difficult and disgusting things I have ever had to drink. It tasted extremely bitter, and I had to keep stirring it before I took a drink because there were lots of little brown grainy bits at the bottom, which gave it a horrible texture and made it more difficult to swallow. I sweetened it with a little bit of honey, but it was still incredibly bitter.

It took me an hour or more to drink, because the instructions that came with the pack said not to drink it all at once if it is your first time, as your body then has to adjust to the full amount in one go, and can make nausea worse. It also took me so long because I almost gagged every time I drank some, and had to wait a little while before taking more as I didn't want to throw it up before I had even finished it.

I think I started to feel weird about 45 minutes to 1 hour after I started drinking. I couldn't drink the last little amount because of how disgusted I was, and also because the grainy bits were a lot more concentrated at the bottom, and I knew it would make me vomit if I tried. I don't know if this made the hit or the effects any less strong, but of course that's possible. I think maybe I should have boiled it down to a slightly smaller amount, to make it faster and easier to drink.

The first visual changes I experienced were quite similar to that of mushrooms. I started to see a green-ish tinge to things, then slowly but surely things in my room became distorted and were moving slightly. I lay down and closed my eyes, and saw some pretty great closed-eye visuals. Kaleidoscopic patterns and shapes were all over the place. Facing the light bulb in my room seemed to make them stand out more clearly.

My thoughts also started to get more and more crazy, and mixed up. If you've tripped before, you'll understand how hard it is to describe. If not... well, basically I was just thinking in a more intense mindset. When I thought of my troubles, I did become worried, but then I just kind of thought, "not now.. don't think of this now, enjoy this trip."

I was talking to my boyfriend and sometimes I felt a little bit freaked out because he was sober and he was joking around with me like we always do to each other, but I started to take the things he said more seriously and kept telling him to stop. I remember at one point I looked at him and his face seemed orange, with Indian-style patterns adorning it. He looked like some kind of Aztec statue of a god, or at least that's what came to my mind at the time.

After a while I started to forget I was even tripping, and didn't freak out anymore. Then I would remember, but it was better and I didn't feel scared or freaked out about it. Listening to psychedelic trance and ambient music was VERY pleasant, but it didn't seem to have any effect on my visuals the way mushrooms can.

Soon, maybe an hour or so after I started feeling the first effects, I sat up and said, "I need to throw up!!!!!" and gagged over a basin, but didn't vomit. Then I started to feel the need to go to the toilet, which made me kind of freak out because I'd read that diarrhea was possible, but nausea and vomiting were more common. My mum was taking a bath at the time, so I couldn't go to the bathroom to do the business. This made me REALLY get scared. I was asking my boyfriend what the hell was I going to do, and he suggested just going in the basin. I was thinking "I can't go to the bathroom because my mum will know I'm tripping, but I can't do it in this basin because it'll be so embarrassing!! But I NEED to go, and what if I take a shit in this basin, and then need to puke?? It'll be so horrible puking into a shit-filled basin! But what if I'm puking in the basin and then shit myself at the same time??"

My boyfriend was just telling me to go in the basin, and laughing, which made me very paranoid and I even started to cry slightly, but I actually think my eyes were just watering a lot more than tears of sadness. So I basically felt like I was going to explode out of every orifice if I didn't do SOMETHING and fast. So.... the feeling of needing to excrete being the dominant feeling, I just had to squat over the basin, and excrete. It's hilarious thinking back on it, but at the time I was really freaking out, my boyfriend was laughing and I was yelling "stop laughing at meeee!!"

After I cleaned myself up.... I lay back down on the bed and felt SO much better. Before the purge, I felt like my mind was in a moment of absolutely pure insanity. But afterwards, everything calmed down and I could enjoy myself again. I started to get cold shivers, so I got under my blankets and immediately the shivers stopped. I felt incredibly happy and comfortable, was able to joke and talk to my boyfriend, but my visuals seemed to be decreasing. It was only around 2 or 2.5 hours since I felt the first effects, and the instructions that came with the pack stated that it would last approximately 4 hours. They continued to decrease, but I still felt good.

This was basically the end of it all. I think I probably made the brew weaker by accidentally boiling away all the water at the beginning, and also maybe because I left a little bit of the brew at the bottom of the mug.

From this experience I think I can safely say that I will NOT be trying Ayahuasca again, unless I'm with an experienced shaman, or just someone with many years of experience, who would know exactly what amount of plant and vine should be used for my body weight and my previous experiences etc. I just really didn't enjoy drinking the brew at all, and it's not something I'd like to endure again any time soon.

The trip wasn't exactly what I expected (even though I don't usually go into trips expecting anything, as from past experience I've learned that trips usually give you what you DON'T expect), as in, I didn't go into an entirely different world, meet any of the "entities" I've read about, have any spiritual epiphanies, or really get any intense open-eye visuals. Of course this could all be down to preparation and dosage.

I would definitely try smoking extracted DMT though, and I'd recommend trying Ayahuasca only to people who have had psychedelic experiences before, but don't go into it expecting it to be as fun as mushrooms or acid can be. It's a serious drug, and you need to do a lot of research on it before trying it.
15 tabs ~ drop

Morning Glory seeds (LSA) d-lysergic acid amide [Tue August 22nd 06 || 23::34]
Mood
hungry
This won't be a long entry, due to the fact I didn't get much of an effect.

I bought some Morning Glory seeds from azarius.net and also bought some Druid's Fantasy capsules for my boyfriend (without realising the capsules were made of gelatin... eugh). Last Sunday we decided to try them out.
My friend Joe also bought some seeds from the same site and took about 200 on Thursday night, he told me he felt a bit sick and got a nice little effect but nothing too crazy.

Well, I counted out 250 seeds. I didn't want to go too crazy by taking more, as it was my first try and I didn't want to get too sick. I chewed about the first 150, but the taste of them almost made me vomit so I just swallowed the rest wwith water. I had thought about soaking them in water for a few hours and then filtering the water and drinking it (as I've read online) but I was too lazy and we just wanted to try them right there and then. My boyfriend took 3 of his capsules.

After about 1.5-2 hours I thought my stomach felt a little bit bad, but nothing unbearable and nothing I couldn't take my mind off by watching TV. Doyle said he was starting to feel "dreamy" after only about 40 minutes or so. He also said his stomach felt a little bit like it was in his throat, and he burped a few times and got a nasty taste.

My mild nausea passed after about 40 minutes to an hour. My boyfriend took another 2 capsules around this time. After this we continued to watch movies, talk, and wait. I felt no effects. Doyle's effects seemed to only stay in the "dreamy" state, although he did say he felt quite different, kind of like the way acid makes you feel. A few hours later he took one more capsule and I took 2 that Joe had given me when he bought them in Germany a few weeks ago.

Doyle felt slightly nauseous for a few hours after my nausea passed, but then he was fine.

A few hours before we went to bed, my vision seemed to go a bit weird. When the lights were off I didn't really notice it, but when they were turned on, and sometimes when my eyes were closed, it seemed that the edges of my vision was "flashy" for lack of a better description. Kind of wavey. It wasn't that strong however.

We concluded that they were a waste of money, although it was still good to have experimented. I still have about 500 seeds left, so I plan to try extracting the LSA instead. I will update on this as it happens.
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Psilocybin Mushrooms C12H17N2O4P [Tue May 30th 06 || 16::59]
When I was in Amsterdam last Christmas we took some mushrooms on the last night. We bought 20g of Mexicans because we had never tripped before (well except my bad acid trip). We went to our hostel room because we didn't want to be totally tripping out in public (even though I'm sure people are used to foreigners tripping out in public).

Well we started eating them around 7pm I think, just ripped bits off and swallowed them with water. At first I was actually chewing them but the taste was just too strong so I had to just swallow them.

Before I had even eaten half I started to feel extremely giggly and was yawning a lot. I was laughing very hard at the most stupid things.. and had no idea why I was yawning so much when I didn't really feel that tired. Joe and Fabio kept telling me to finish them, and I eventually did. But I had already started to see the room turn a green tinge before I was finished.

Now, when we were buying them, we noticed that my friend Joe's box was different to Fabio's and mine. The mushrooms looked smaller, cleaner, and as though there were more in it. We just assumed they were fresher and there were only more of them because they were smaller.
Well after we finished eating them we had a closer look at his box. The woman in the shop had given him 35 grams instead of 20! He asked for 20, and paid €10 the same as us, but for some reason she gave him more!
Pretty stupid idea to check the box AFTER eating them all lol. But it amused us. Joe started to slightly freak out at this point, certain that he was going to be a lot more fucked up than the rest of us.

For some reason, Fabio didn't trip. He kept saying "something's not right down here" but he said he never hallucinated.

At this point I was feeling wonderful, so we decided to go out to a coffeeshop. We went to The Dolphins and sat downstairs in the room with all the beautiful paintings on the walls.

Mood
hungry
Obviously the theme of this place was under the sea, so the walls were also painted blue and had a watery look painted over them. This was moving a LOT. I couldn't believe it was moving SO much. I had to keep asking Fabio if he could see it, because I was sure it had to be some crazy projector or something. He said "well I know what you mean, if you look at it for long enough it looks like it's moving."
And I said, "but is it ACTUALLY moving?" and he said it wans't. So I knew I was fucked.

Joe was pretty fucked at this point too, and he kept playing with his hair and making it defy gravity. Which I found absolutely fucking hilarious. I kept laughing but wasn't sure if anyone knew why I was laughing. This only amused me further. I was trying to stifle my laughter, but this only made me laugh harder. I thought everyone in the coffeeshop was looking at me. They probably were lol.

After a while we went back to the hostel. I lay in bed listening to my iPod for a while, and the music and things I saw with my eyes closed was absolutely stunning.

Being an artist, I sometimes get flashes in my "mind's eye" of colour schemes, or art ideas, or parts of things to add to my art if I am at that time engrossed with working on a piece. Well this was like that, only times a thousand. I wish i could remember even a small fraction of what I saw, but due to being completely stoned, and the fact it was almost 6 months ago, I sadly cannot.

I recommend mushrooms to anyone. That was my first real experience with them (I had them once before, dried and in tea. They are not supposed to go above a certain temperature so I think that's why I didn't trip. I once also ate about 30 Liberty Caps that used to grow in a field near my school but they didn't do much to me) and it was very enjoyable. I prefer it to LSD any day.
drop

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